How to Write Personal Wedding Vows that Kick Ass 

Wedding vows are more than just words.  

You’re making promises to your partner to serve as the foundation of your marriage. That means you don’t want some cookie cutter vows you found on the internet – they should be unique and reflect your relationship. These are some of my suggestions on how to write personal wedding vows, but remember, I’m just one person and there are no rules for weddings. So do whatever feels right for you and bae!  

Remember! In Colorado we have self-solemnization, which means you don’t need an officiant to make your marriage legal. That said, some of my couples still choose to ask a friend or hire someone to serve as an officiant. It helps the vows and overall ceremony flow a little better. 

Structure for How to Write Personal Wedding Vows 

Your wedding vows should sound like you, not some stranger on the internet or a lovey-dovey scene from a movie. Above everything else, be genuinely you when you write your vows. Whether that’s romantic, funny, or traditional, stay true to you.  

I don’t want to put words in your mouth, so here is a super simple structure you could follow when you sit down to write vows. 

1. Introduction – It can be weird to dive right into the deep shit. Ease your way into it. What does this person mean to you? How have they impacted your life? 

2. Look back – Next, reflect on your relationship a little. When did you realize you loved your partner? Was there a moment you knew they were “the one”? 

3. Hype them up – Time to share what you love about your person! What do you admire and appreciate about them?  

4. Share a story – I always tell my couples to share stories about the parts of their relationship that proved this was the person they wanted to marry.  

5. Your promises – Now you can get into your promises, or what you vow to your partner. What are the things you’ll do to support them and your relationship?  

6. Look ahead – Talk about what the future looks like to you when you daydream. What are your goals for your future together? What are the things you’re looking forward to accomplishing as a team? 

7. Closing – Just like you don’t want to dive right in, you also don’t want to pull an Irish goodbye in your vows. Don’t leave them hanging! End with something that sums up how you feel about your partner. It does NOT have to be the super stale “…as long as we both shall live.” 

Tips for How to Write Personal Wedding Vows 

• Add personal touches, like inside jokes, nicknames, or lines from your favorite movies or books. 

• Say “I love you”! If you’re thinking, “Duh Kenzie,” TRUST me. It feels like such a given on your wedding day, but so many people forget to say it during their vows. 

• If you’re sharing vows in front of friends and family, and you’re not totally comfy with being vulnerable in front of them, I have an idea. It’s super popular right now to have two sets of vows, one private and one for the guests to hear, so I highly recommend that route to cut back on the stress you may be feeling. 

• Be on the same page with your partner. You should agree on what you want to include in your vows and, what I think is the most important, how long they should be.

• The length of your vows kind of depends on the type of ceremony you’re having. Traditional, big weddings typically stay under five minutes, usually because you have an audience. If you’re eloping or doing an intimate wedding, I’ve seen vows that are MUCH longer. Do what feels right for your day, but make sure your partner is on the same page. 

• Don’t wait until the last minute! You’ll want time to practice and perfect your vows. 

• If you’re having some writer’s block, try re-reading letters or texts and looking at pictures of you two together. It can help put you in a mindset that’s focused on all the things you have done and been through together. 

• Start with a brainstorm and just get your words on paper. After that, you can organize your thoughts based on what you wrote down. 

• For the love of god, PLEASE write your vows on paper. Do not just read them off your phone. They don’t need to be in a super fancy vow book, just on a piece of paper. Please. I will die on this hill. 

• Be kind. I’m all for humor and funny stories about bae, but you don’t want to turn this into a roast. 

• Be realistic. You won’t write your vows in one day, and you probably shouldn’t. I recommend starting your vows one to two months before your wedding day. Then, revisit them a couple more times so you have fresh eyes and new thoughts. 

How to Read Your Personal Vows 

Basically, if you ever took a speech class in school, all those rules apply here. 

• Practice reading out loud so you don’t stumble over your words on your actual wedding day. Some things sound different written down vs. said out loud. Do it more than once! 

• Make sure you’ve discussed who will read their vows first. In traditional ceremonies, the groom typically reads first but fuck a tradition. Either of you can start! If you’re having a hard time deciding, I’m all about rolling some dice or an old-fashioned game of rock, paper, scissors. 

• Take a deep breath before you start to help calm any nerves you’re feeling.  

• Don’t rush. Say things slower than what probably feels comfortable. Make sure you’re speaking clearly, too. 

• Make eye contact with your partner. Vows can be vulnerable and emotional, so make sure you’re looking at the person who’s making you feel that way. 

Still deciding between a wedding and elopement? Let me help.